When I was a young girl (that would be many, many moons ago now) I remember how I saw the world and our planet.  I can remember feeling quite hopeless actually in seeing very clearly that the humans were destroying the Earth.  I thought what's the point?! You've destroyed her!  Why am I in this place of destruction, pollution and disrespect, where people abuse the Earth, themselves and each other?  I felt like all this talk about God made no sense to me.  How could there be such thing as a 'God' that would have allowed this kind of abuse?  I also made a very interesting decision at that very young age, which was not to bring children into this world.  I felt VERY hopeless and angry.

Looking back now, I understand my soul's path and why that was my beginning, my wise soul knew why I was here but the human part of me needed to walk a very long road in order to be more aligned with my soul.  As we all do.  I love Mother Earth so much, and I'm passionate about her well-being and I needed to find my own way to my personal belief system, through those years of struggle.  What followed for many years was me being disconnected from a higher power, which resulted in my feeling so very alone and choosing to numb myself which rendered me powerless.

It's only been in the past ten years that I've found my faith and my path and a belief in what I call Creator.  It has only been since I've found that relationship with Spirit, and strengthened my personal connection with a higher power, that I have found purpose and clarity in my life, and hope.   I can see now why I felt so protective of Mother Earth back then, because as an adult, I would be using a gift I never fully understood until now. Giving a voice to her and the animals, birds and insects through my drawings.  I understand now that we're all a part of our Creator and I believe our souls chose to be here on this planet, at this very time, to clean up our mess.  I say 'our' because I think every single one of us has to take responsibility for how we've contributed and continue to contribute to the current way of the world. 

Mother Earth sustains us.  But we humans seem to have forgotten this.  We take her for granted every day, fully expecting water to come out of a tap, and a light to appear when we flip a switch.  While I have personally struggled as I've observed the ongoing destruction and disrespect toward her for my entire life, I finally have hope. Which is kind of interesting as she is in worse shape now than when I was a young girl.  

We humans are actually waking up, becoming more aware, and taking action which is what gives me hope.  The truth continues to surface daily with respect the trickery and greed in this world which I think is great because it means we can no longer ignore what is actually happening.  People are speaking out to give the Earth a voice and that gives me hope.  We are recycling and using more user friendly cleaning products, we are conserving energy and attempting to find more eco friendly energy using what she freely provides to us, wind, water, and sun. More hope.

I think sometimes we feel small, like how can one person make a difference to make a change this HUGE?  Turning a planet around.  Cleaning up our mess.  I think it's possible though, and more than that it's a must if we wish to leave something for the generations to come.  I also think that if we are here, on this planet now, we came here to do this.  No one is coming to save us.  We have to save ourselves.

If everyone takes the time to pick up some garbage, turn off the lights when they are not needed, turn down the heat in our homes during the day when the house is empty, turn off the water when we're brushing our teeth, takes the time to recycle, doesn't leave vehicles running, takes the bus, rides a bike, car pools when possible, buys used items, lives communally, and uses natural cleaning products, it will all add up and we become less of a burden.  Our power is in the collective and if we all do a little something we can and will eventually make a big difference.  Our future actually depends on it.

There's a healing energy simply in acknowledging what she provides for us, instead of taking it for granted.  We can show gratitude by being thankful to her for our breath, and for clean water to drink (which is being poisoned at alarming rates), warm showers, lights, heat, food, the ability to travel, and her breathtaking beauty.  I give thanks to her daily and that might not seem like much but it's something.  

While things aren't ideal just yet, at least there is hope on the horizon.  I sometimes wonder how a young boy or girl sees the world now, if I saw what I saw all those years ago.  Do they have hope? Or were they like me at that age, seeing how the humans that came before them destroyed our beautiful home and wonder 'what's the point'?  

Either way, they are who we leave this planet to and the generations after them.  Let's keep doing our part and honoring our Mother so they have more hope for the planet than I did as a kid.  Let's give them a seat at the tables where decisions are being made that ultimately affect them and their future.  Let's listen to them.

Peace, Love and Respect Your Mother

"Freedom from the desire for answers is essential to the understanding of a problem." ~  Jiddu Krishnamurti

Have you ever caught yourself going over a scenario in your head repeatedly trying to figure it out but no matter which way you look at it, you never get answers?  Me too.  I have.  It's a human thing but we can choose to change it if we want.

Sometimes we humans paralyze ourselves by staying in our heads analyzing and attempting to find answers to things that are simply not meant for us to know yet. We can't force a baby bird out of an egg or a leaf out of a bud.  We just gotta let it be and unfold in it's own time while we mosy off to do something productive.  

I used to have severe anxiety attacks where I'd faint and my lips would turn blue.  Anxiety is when we are in our heads trying to figure things out and wonder what is going to happen, so much in fact, that our breathing becomes shallow enough that we get weak and dizzy and sometimes faint.  I've learned over the years, to practice accepting what IS, and as a result am able to live in the moment more and more every day, which has my anxiety pretty much non-existent.  I will sometimes observe it mildly surfacing when life pulls the rug out from underneath me but nothing some deep breathing and acceptance work doesn't fix.

The time we humans spend trying to figure everything out actually robs us of living a more present life.  It has us missing what is really going on.  We're using all that energy going around and around in our heads aimlessly, never finding a solution anyway?!!  Wasted days and wasted nights (yes, I sang that).  It seems we're either crying over something that's behind us, or freaking out about what's before us.  What about right now?  What about today?  Do you see the ladybug or the blue jay?  Do you hear the music?  Can you smell the flowers?  Maybe you don't have time because you have to get back to figuring everything out and making a plan to fix what isn't meant to be fixed right now?

Usually taking a step back from the analyzing process, allows an answer to come in time.  Obsessing usually pushes the answer or desired outcome further away from us. The 'letting go' process is definitely a learned thing.  Like everything we want to master, we can only get there by practicing.  We must first acknowledge when we are obsessing and over analyzing.  Then from that point, we can CHOOSE to stop, accept everything and everyone exactly as is, and then CHOOSE to put our energy into ourselves or a creative project, or choose a thought of gratitude instead?  Or choose to send an uplifting thought that person's way or to someone who is going through a hard time. Or choose to talk to Creator, the angels or our spirit guides.  

Maybe a relationship has fallen away for whatever reason.  It happens.  There are people in my life who had to sever ties with close family members because they loved themselves too much to continue feeling hurt.  Sometimes that's the lesson.  We don't always have to figure out and fix everything.  We really can choose to just let it be or even let it go completely.  Guilt free.  Worry free.  Some relationships aren't meant to be 'figured out' or 'fixed' right now. We can let ourselves off the hook and let it be!  We can give ourselves the time and distance we need.  Finding inner peace and forgiveness is the main thing, and sometimes we have to take time and space to do that.  It's okay.  We are only in control of ourselves and our own actions.  If we want to fix something, why not make ourselves our own fix it project ;-)  I've found no lack of things within myself to work on! 

It's quite freeing and empowering to choose to just let things be perfectly unfixed, and choose who we allow in our life and not feel bad for making those choices. Surrendering to what IS.  I'll admit, for me, this feeling of not worrying or constantly analyzing and wondering how things are going to turn out, feels amazing yet at times unfamiliar.  I observe my ego wanting me to slip back into my old familiar ways.  I remind myself in those moments that everything is just as it is and it's not up to me to figure everything out and fix what clearly is not fixable or doable right now.  Surrendering makes room for an answer to come and for us to enjoy the journey more.  :-)

Peace, Love and Let It Be .....

We are 100% responsible for every choice and decision we make.  Period.  Sometimes we make choices that end up hurting ourselves and others.  And that's okay.  We're human.  I think that's how we learn and grow into better people.

Sometimes we feel stuck and don't feel we even have a choice but if we look further we will find there is always another option.  It may not be a comfortable or easy choice but it's there. 

Usually as we are making choices that end up hurting ourselves or others, there's a voice or feeling inside whispering to us making us aware that we may not end up liking the consequences of that choice.  We end up feeling bad and even hating ourselves for awhile (or longer) as a result.  Or, if we aren't ready to take responsibility for our choices yet, we will find ourselves complaining or blaming others or situations for the outcome. 

I know from my own personal experience that coming to a place of being able to take responsibility for my choices has been empowering beyond belief.  I have often ignored that gut instinct that is there to protect me from hurting myself and others, and I chose to place blame.  It seemed far easier at the time than taking responsibility!  In the end though, it wasn't easier because it kept me playing the victim.  Poor me.  Well, no more.

Since I've learned to take responsibility for my life, I've become more aware on a constant basis, of the fact that I am choosing what is healthy for me and what isn't.  This doesn't mean life is perfect or I am now where I want to be as a person, but it does mean I'm no longer angry with others or situations that were a result of my choices.  When we place blame in that respect and find ourselves angry about the consequences, it is usually a reflection of how angry we actually are at ourselves for making a 'bad' choice.

Taking responsibility for choices that have ended with less than desirable results, isn't about beating ourselves up over it (although it's sometimes part of our process), it's about seeing the opportunity to have compassion for ourselves through self forgiveness and making healthier choices next time.  On and on it goes for the rest of our time here.  Remembering that people and situations come into our lives to show us ourselves also helps.

Some questions you might want to ask yourself are:

Where am I placing blame in my life when it's actually a result of my own choices?
What choices am I making or have I made that I need to take responsibility for?
Where am I playing the victim in my life?
What do I hear myself complaining about and do I have the power to make a different choice that might change the result?

I think there will always be things in our past that we are not proud of but we can't undo what's been done.  We can only do better once we know better and make a pact with ourselves to make healthier choices from now on. 

Peace, Love and Choices

"This above all, to thine own self be true" 
~ William Shakespeare ~

Learning boundaries and how to say NO is a great place to start for those of us with the disease to please.  It's not an easy thing to start doing though, when we've had a life long habit of automatically saying yes in order to please other people, mostly to control whether someone will 'like' us or not.

There is one time many moons ago that sticks out in my mind when I was first learning to say no.  I remember how hard it was but I also remember how freeing and empowering it was.  It also became easier and easier to say after that.  At this particular time in my life, I had a lot on my plate, I was running my business and spinning hundred plates at once because that's how I thrived back then.  It was my diversion and it somehow filled my need to be needed.  I said yes to a Secretary position for the local Chamber of Commerce, which was something I would have said no too if I were being true to myself because I didn't have room to spin one more plate at the time.  But who else would do it if I didn't?  No one else wanted to.  Soooo, Barb to the rescue!

I'm grateful now for the time I spent taking on that role.  I did make a contribution and I liked the people I was working with, but mostly I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn how to be true to myself and say NO.  I began to dread going to those meetings and doing the minutes and struggled for quite awhile because I knew I needed to change this for myself.  I procrastinated speaking my truth because I thought everyone was going to be mad at me, and from my self importance, thought once again 'who will do it if I don't?'.  Well guess what happened?  I just stopped.  Told them I was done (with my tail between my legs) and guess what else?  The world didn't stop spinning, life went on, and they found someone else.  Mostly what happened was that I freed myself and it was easier than I thought. 

Sometimes it's something as simple as telling someone you would do something with them on Thursday, then Thursday comes and you're not feeling up to it, but you go anyway.  Not because you want to but because you felt you had to.  It's okay to speak our truth.  'Hey, I know I agreed to meet you on Thursday but I'm really not feeling up to it now, I have to look after myself today.  Sorry if I messed up your day, I hope we can do it another time.' 

To actually become aware of when we are saying 'yes' when we really want to say 'no' is the starting point.  If you are a pleaser, it helps to stop for a minute before you automatically say yes, and check in with yourself for your truth.  There is a difference between doing things from our hearts because we 'want' to and have the energy to, and doing things to 'please' because we want people to  like us.  The latter will have us sometimes feeling resentment and exhaustion, even though we are solely responsible for saying yes.  It's just about knowing our truth then expressing that truth, regardless of anyone's reaction.

Having boundaries is necessary if we are looking after ourselves.  Our boundaries say 'I will tolerate this' and 'I will not tolerate that'.  We truly do teach others how to treat us.  If we respect ourselves, we automatically demand and get respect from others.  If we aim to get respect by pleasing others, it will backfire and we will ultimately end up exhausted, resentful and mad at ourselves in the end.

Here's a cool thing I've learned.  There will always be someone who doesn't like us or who is mad at us.  So to exhaust ourselves through pleasing is pointless.  If we are honest with ourselves, we'll see that part of the reason we want everyone's approval is because we don't entirely approve of ourselves.  The more we learn to approve of ourselves and like ourselves, the less we find ourselves saying yes when we would rather say no.

We are constantly being given opportunities to learn new ways of doing things and I'll bet if you're a pleaser and you're reading this, you'll notice quite a few opportunities surfacing over the next little while, where you can practice saying no when before you would have automatically said yes.  Try it out :) 

Peace, Love and It's Okay to say NO

It is said that hindsight is 20/20.  This rings so true yet only becomes evident once time has passed creating a road map for us to look back on.

So many times in my life, since walking my spiritual path, I have followed my guidance to experience certain relationships and situations that haven't always ended up being all butterflies and bubbles.  I can see now that is because they were meant to be experienced to protect me from doing something that would not have been good for me at that time.  It was also to make me stronger, but I can only see that after time passed and I had a road map to look back on.  The series of events allowed me to connect the dots, so to speak, and understand it was for my good.

While I must admit that moving through those sometimes very painful experiences of the past was not fun or pleasant by any means, it is very clear to me now that they were all blessings in disguise.  Sometimes I felt I wanted something so very much and when it didn't work out I would get so frustrated and angry.  It was only after time had passed was I able to look back and it became crystal clear that it either wasn't right or it wasn't time.  I've learned through those experiences to trust that the universe can see ten steps ahead of me and is constantly conspiring for the highest good of my soul's path.

Keeping this in mind is a great practice because it teaches us trust and faith in a bigger plan for ourselves.  Bigger than our human part can dream up, even though we are fully aware of our potential and purpose on a soul level.

Moving through the difficult experiences can become something we meet with less resistance if we are able to take this perspective.  It offers us an opportunity to look for the crumbs of good along the way, as they accumulate to a point where we can look back some day and be grateful that things happened the way they did.  

If I try my best to make something happen and I run into obstacles, I stop and know there is something in the works going on behind the scenes.  Or if something I had planned gets cancelled, I watch to see what ends up happening at the time the event was meant to take place and it's usually that something better would take the place of the original 'plan'.  Sometimes I will cross paths with someone I was meant to see but that wouldn't have happened if the universe didn't arrange for the 'rejection' of my plan. 

I believe we are constantly being given opportunities to take the high road and when we do, we find ourselves working with the universe, instead of fighting the flow.  I only have my own life to reflect on to see how this process works but I'm sure if you take a look back on the road of your own life, you will find those times where you've felt rejected by someone or something and can see now that it was for your highest good.

'What is for you can't go past you' and 'rejection is the universe's protection' are two great mantras to remember when things don't according to our plans, and when things are muddy and muffled if we keep looking for the crumbs of good......we'll find them.

Peace, Love and Protection    

One of the lessons from The Four Agreements (Toltec teachings) by Don Miguel Ruiz is this:

~ Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. ~

I know, I know, easier to read and know this than to put into practice, just like everything else in life, however being willing to remember and begin to incorporate this into the things we practice is the first step to lightening our load.  In my experience, willingness and awareness are the most important ingredients in the recipe for changing our lives.  It doesn't mean once we 'know' something that we magically are living it to perfection every single minute of every single day.  Change is a process, and our power lies in our commitment to change and putting what we 'know' into practice.  We're all trying to become better people, better than we were yesterday and that takes willingness, awareness and practice practice practice!  That's why who we see as the 'challenging' people show up in our lives, so we can PRACTICE!! hehe

We humans don't learn and evolve through those happy, joy, blissful, high times and from the smooth relationships.  Those times and relationships are awesome and supportive and uplifting and we wouldn't know that if we didn't experience the opposite sometimes!  Our soul's growth depends on the challenging times and people and how we choose to 'react' to them.  It's so easy for us to stay in our old patterns, for instance when someone is attacking us with their anger it is our knee jerk reaction to retaliate with anger.  Reacting to anger with anger however, automatically puts us in a power struggle, where in the end no one wins.  Don't take it personal and don't engage are two great rules of thumb.  If we can think of these people as opportunities for us to grow, instead of a pain in the ass, we can eventually find gratitude for them.

When someone comes at me now with anger or attack energy, I no longer cower like I used to and be upset that someone is mad at me or doesn't like me, nor do I react with anger because I understand that person's emotion has nothing to do with me and everything to do with their deep rooted pain.  I choose now to not engage, but to walk away and send that person love and forgiveness from afar.  That too is often a process, as the attacking energy can be quite upsetting, especially if you're a sensitive empath, so when the attack memory surfaces again (and it will!), it's about making it a habit to surround that person in light and love, and to see that behind their anger, lazy, control, or bitch mask, they are in a lot of pain.  Like we all are at times.

Maybe there's someone at work that drives you crazy.  They could be control freaks, gossips, lazy, alcoholics, unreliable, bitchy and the list goes on.  I spent 17 years working in a Territorial government office and all I know is it takes all kinds to make the world go around and I encountered all of these types!  Back then it would have been nice to be aware of this powerful understanding but instead I was constantly reacting and found myself in power struggles all the time.  I was also a control freak and admittedly one of the challenging people!!  Ya lives and ya learns!  I can tell you this, from my experience it's easier to simply 'accept' what is, how people are and where they are in their lives rather than wish they were different so as to make your life easier.  They may never change, but WE can!

It's especially tricky when these challenging people are part of our family, whether that's blood family or soul family, but the same applies.  We can take a deep breath and pretend we're having an out of body experience and don't take their behavior personally or we can engage in a power struggle.  We can acknowledge their pain, pray for them and know that they are big girls and boys and will hopefully figure out their 'stuff'.  We can choose to keep them in our life or to keep our distance and we don't have to 'feel bad' (I know that's a hard one for those of us with the disease to please ;-))  We all have the same help available to us from Spirit, we aren't here to be everyone's rescuer.  Rescue yourself and save yourself the struggle by remembering to practice not taking things personally and choosing to send love back .....the result is one similar to pouring water on a fire versus giving it more oxygen. :D

One of my practices now is to observe the behavior of the other person and before I react with words I might regret, I breathe, sleep on it, and look at whether this is a trigger for me to see some trait in myself that is attracting a repetitive type of person to me. If not, then I see it as a boundary issue and I try to remember their behavior is a result of their personal pain (the more difficult the person the deeper the pain).  I then vision them in a pink bubble of light and ask Creator to send extra help to them.  Sounds crazy perhaps but it's alot less stressful than how I used to do things!!  I find as I remember to practice this, that I begin to feel lighter and happier, not engaging and creating unnecessary drama.   Resentments begin to fall away too, and I have slowly freed myself.

Letting situations go and sending good energy their way takes less energy than engaging and creating drama, then telling everyone about your drama, and what that person did or said and keeping that negative energy alive.  Far easier to accept people are how they are, no one is perfect, many are in deep pain every day and act from a lower space as a result.  It doesn't give anyone the right to abuse us with their anger or attack energy, those are the people in the most pain but that's not ours to take on.  We have to look after ourselves by drawing a personal boundary and choosing to remove that person from our lives and love them from afar if that's what we need to do to look after us.

It's also a great idea to be aware of when we might be the difficult person and be open to looking at our own underlying pain.  At different times in our lives, we've all acted out in ways we might not be so proud of, so cut the other guy some slack and try not to take it personally.

Peace & Love

"Take a look around, tell me what you see, is who you think you are, who you wanna be?  It's okay to be a little broken, everybody's broken in this life, it's okay to feel a little broken, you're alright." ~ Bon Jovi

Everybody's broken.  No human is exempt from pain and struggle in this life it seems.  Each and everyone of us has a story, and no one's story is more or less important than the other, it is simply our own personal journey.  The thing is, we have a choice to stay broken and make that the story we tell ourselves and others for the rest of our lives, OR, we can use the broken'ness as an opportunity to see ourselves and heal so we can one day tell the story from a less broken place.  

It's been my experience and observation that many humans are afraid or unwilling to really look at where we are broken, and instead put on various masks to face the world, in attempt to hide our broken selves.  Masks can come in the form of self righteousness (hiding inferiority); control (hiding vulnerability); bullying (hiding extreme pain and fear of further pain); humor (hiding sadness); aloof (hiding vulnerability); etc.  When we are willing to be aware and heal from this broken place, we will keep our masks handy for use while our old 'stuff' continues to surface until it eventually works itself out.

It's uncomfortable to make ourselves vulnerable, but that is where we must go in order to let others in past the masks we wear to protect ourselves from what we perceive as judgement from the outside world.  The illusion here is what we think others think of us, is actually a mirror to show us where we judge ourselves.  In my experience I notice if my judgement of another surfaces, that it is simply there to show me that I'm still in judgement of myself in some way.  I notice this with others as well.  When I encounter a person who is constantly looking around and judging others, that they truly are that hard on themselves.  I have compassion for their pain.

When we make a commitment to go within and be aware of ourselves and where our shame, sadness, grief, hatred, judgement, guilt, unforgiveness, etc. lies, then fully accept and love those very human traits that we all have, we are able to shatter the self created chains we keep on ourselves. 

I think we've all been taught in some way that there was no room in our lives to be broken, yet the fact is everyone is broken to some degree and it's there as an opportunity to see our broken selves.  It's from this broken place that we hurt ourselves and others.  If we look at our past hurts and choose to nurture that broken little boy or girl who is a part of us and find compassion, we begin to notice ourselves softening. Then slowly we notice the masks we have worn and walls we've built around our hearts in order to protect ourselves from further pain, fall away, creating more room for freedom, love and joy in our hearts.

If we see or know a child in our lives who have been hurt in some way, we automatically have compassion for that child.  So why not have compassion for our own inner child who has inevitably experienced hurt?  It's good to take a look too, at times when our actions have hurt other people and understand that we were acting from our broken place and it actually had nothing to do with the other person.  The opposite is true, the actions of others we've felt hurt by, also come from their pain.  We have no idea about the pain another has experienced and we have no control or power over their actions or how they choose to live their lives.  We only have power over our own choices and actions.

Going to those broken places within ourselves is not comfortable, but it's necessary if we are tired of feeling broken, continuously hurting others, or attracting relationships with people who will re-create the old pain so we can heal it, and telling the same old story like a broken record even we are tired of listening to.

I've had huge walls my whole life, and my experience has been that they don't all crumble at once.  They fall away one at a time and just when you think the last wall has fallen, another seems to appear until eventually they are few and far between, and life continues to ease up and look and feel different.  It continues to feel more safe to put our true authentic face to the world, no longer feeling like we need to hide the broken to protect ourselves. One day we're able to look back and bless the broken road because it was an opportunity to heal.

Healing doesn't happen overnight, it happens over time and the time is gonna pass anyway so why not use it to heal?  

Leaving you today with a video of Bon Jovi's Everybody's Broken.....enjoy and go easy on yourself ;-)

Re-Post:   Mercury has just gone retrograde again (February 23rd) and will remain so until March 17th....here's a reminder about the energies this cycle brings and how to use it in your life if you so choose :-))  

‘That’s not fog.  It’s dragon’s breath.  It’s magical.  When the dragon’s breath comes, when the fog appears, it is a magical time, a mysterious time.  Things begin to change.’  ~ The Lessons of Love by Melody Beattie

I’ve been working with the moon cycles and this cycle called Mercury retrograde for quite some time now and have found that life has become easier because I am aware of, and use the energy of these cycles for my personal growth.  Let me say first off that I have a basic understanding of Astrology, I am not an Astrologer, and it’s not my intention to make believers out of those of you who have no belief or interest in this stuff.  I’m simply sharing my knowledge and personal experience for those of you who are interested in the unseen energies that move in and around us constantly.  They can be very helpful for personal growth and awareness.  As above, so below.

Much like the description in the lead-in quote above, Mercury retrograde energy can feel at times, like a fog has set in on our lives.  If we can understand and accept that change is in the air and magic is happening behind the fog, we can easier move through the fog with patience and in anticipation of a time in the future when the fog lifts and things are clear and flowing once again.

There are three to four Mercury retrograde cycles per year and they last approximately three weeks.  There’s a shadow period for days before and after the actual retrograde period when the energies are felt, just not as strongly as during the actual retrograde. 

The planet Mercury in general, rules thinking and perception, processing information, education, travel and communication.  So when it goes retrograde, it often affects these areas of our lives.  For instance, we might notice more than usual, missed messages, misunderstandings, text messages and emails send to the wrong person, taken out of context, or not being received at all.  As well there’s  often travel mix ups and delays, problems with computers, cell phones, tv’s, and vehicles.  You might also notice situations, people and issues from the past resurfacing.  Especially notice what was happening in your life during the last Mercury retrograde because whatever was going on in your life at that time, will likely resurface in some form so you can face that part of yourself again and continue to clear old unhealthy patterns.  Sometimes it's so you can see yourself in a new light and see how you've grown since the last retrograde.

It can be a frustrating time for some people, especially if you are not willing to be honest with yourself and make necessary changes in your life, or if you are pushing and trying to make something happen when it's not time for it to happen.  It could be that your flight gets delayed or cancelled, you buy a new cell phone and it’s a total dud, or your computer crashes.  Basically it’s life not going according to ‘your’ plans.  Try to remember something bigger is happening behind the scenes and you are ultimately not in charge even though you think you are! 

This is not a time to make firm decisions, move forward on projects or plans, or sign legal documents or contracts. It can feel at times like we are pushing against a strong wind, so why not wait until the planet moves forward again, and have the wind CARRY us instead?   When we insist on pushing forward at this time, we will often find out later that the paperwork couldn’t be completed because of some unforeseen circumstances, the contract or deal falls through, or new information is revealed that might have been important in our decision making process.  It is also not a time to purchase a vehicle or electronic equipment of any kind as there are often issues that surface later with respect to that equipment or vehicle or it could be we just get a dud.

The best way to use this retrograde phase is to research a new project, or work on unfinished projects, reflect on life and recent situations, revise, review, relax, renegotiate a contract or situation, go back over old ground, clear out the old things (personal patterns that aren't working anymore, emails, computer files, paperwork, closets, garage, vehicle) that no longer serve you in order to free up energetic space for the new to come in.  

New information is often revealed to us by the end of this cycle, as there is likely something more to learn or release before moving forward on our path.  People from our past will often times surface at this time.  It’s a great practice to back up our computers before Mercury retrograde!  Confirm travel itineraries prior to travelling and do be prepared to be patient should your travel end up cancelled or delayed.  I’ve learned to roll with the travel delays over the years…I used to be SO anal!!  Now I understand the universe can see ten steps ahead of me and I watch for new people I might meet or circumstances that transpire that I might have missed due to the delay.  Maybe it’s there to teach us patience, maybe it’s there to save our ass.  It’s best to trust those delays.

Personally I love Mercury retrograde!!  I used to dread it when I owned and ran a travel agency though!  Yikes.  Although having an understanding of the energies of this cycle and keeping a sense of humor helped!  When wires got crossed or computer systems went wonky, I could find some humor in it knowing full well that Mercury was behind it!  Now I use this time to reflect, do a life review, watch what old stuff is coming up for me emotionally, and I put my energy into researching new projects or pulling out old unfinished projects.  I also clean out old emails and outdated files on my computer.   I am simply aware, and do a lot of deep breathing and practicing patience, all the while knowing full well that clarity and a time to take action awaits.

So?  Mercury Retrograde, friend or foe?  You decide.

Peace, Love and Mercury

I think two of the most powerful words in the english language put together are I AM.  

We humans have this tendency to put negative words behind those two words.  I AM a loser.  I AM not good enough.  I AM broke.  I AM fat.  I have caught myself over and over again over the years doing it.  Mostly unaware when I was doing it.  Now that I'm conscious of my thoughts, I'm able to catch myself and practice putting positive words behind those two words.  :-)  Yes, I said practice.  Seems the saying practice makes perfect leaves the perfect as some amazing place in which we arrive one day.  My experience is there is no such thing as perfect so the emphasis best be placed on 'practice'. 
 
I AM amazing.  I AM enough.  I AM where I am and that's ok.  I AM smart.  I AM different.  I AM confident.  Changing the words we put behind the I AM has the power to transform our lives from one of self loathing and judgement, to one of self love.  Eventually.  After aLOT of practice!

So many of us walk through life thinking that we can never really live our dreams or be all we can be because we've made these huge 'mistakes' in our past.  I believe the words mistake and sin fall into the same category but many have been taught that to 'sin' is unforgiveable and punishable, yet I believe all the souls here in human form have come to learn and evolve and if we never made mistakes or sinned we would not be experiencing an opportunity to grow.  We feel because of our past actions, we are not worthy of good things in life because we're now such a horrible person.  This isn't true and couldn't be further from the truth! 

I think the ironic part is that part of the human earth life experience is to make 'mistakes'!!!  This is how we learn and teach others.  It's part of the deal. If we cruised through life being all perfect (there's that darn word again) then we wouldn't actually be 'experiencing' life in order to become more wise.  

The trick is to know we are forgiven for whatever we think we've done that's so so so horrible!  Some people's 'mistakes' are huge in society's eyes.  Some people steal some people assault others, some people have deep dark addictions, some commit adultery, and some people kill people.  I don't believe we are judged for our 'mistakes', I believe we are judged by what we 'learn' from our mistakes.  Maybe part of your purpose is to teach criminals about turning their lives around?  If that's the case, then wouldn't you have to become a criminal first?? (which would look from the outside in, as a HUGE unforgivable mistake)?  If you're a goody two shoes and haven't done time and rehabilitated, what criminal would listen to you??  A criminal would listen to a reformed criminal before he's going to listen to some guy who's got no life experience!!  Catch my drift ;-)  

You can apply this scenario to some past 'mistake' you feel you made.  Maybe you are meant to realize that you are not meant to carry shame and guilt the rest of your life, maybe you are meant to actually experience making that mistake then get up, dust yourself off (by forgiving yourself) and taking the high road.  Understanding that you are NOT what you've done in your past, you truly are what you have overcome.  

I've made many so called mistakes but I've chosen to learn from them and change my life so they move from being 'mistakes' to 'lessons'.  Seems so many get stuck in the guilt and shame phase of the process and stay there for the rest of their lives, choosing to 'numb' themselves in various ways.  It's never too late to face ourselves and face up to our past.  Look it straight in the eyes and say hey, I messed up bad. Am I willing to put this behind me?  If we aren't ready to face our 'mistakes', we can start with just the 'willingness' to do so.  Being willing, opens a door to new possibilities for ourselves and the process can begin.
 
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  Am I willing to forgive myself and do the best I can from this day forward? How am I going to use this experience to become a stronger and better person? How can I use my life and lessons to help other people!!  

No one said this life was easy, but we all signed up for it and here we are.  So let's stop judging ourselves for what we've 'done', so we can stop judging others for what they've 'done'.  I don't have the priviledge to see life's big picture and neither do you.  Creator, Universe, God, Source or whatever you call all that is, can see the truth so we're off the hook taking on the role of Judge.  Whatever is between that person's soul and Creator, is between them. 

Let's take responsibility for our past actions and our future actions....and choose to overcome.  On a soul level we are experiencing life on life's terms and we aren't always aware of what our soul agreed to come here to do.  Lets allow ourselves to forgive ourselves, wipe the slate clean and start over, no matter how unforgiveable we may think our past actions may be!  If we stay in a state of unforgiveness toward ourselves for the rest of our lives, we waste our potential to truly live the life we were meant to live.  

Peace, Love and Mistakes

D-on't E-ven N-otice I A-m L-ying (to myself)

Denial is one of our built in protective mechanisms.  I think all of our emotions and reactions are there for us to use sometimes in order to cope and make our way through life when things are too much to face.  Denial comes in handy when something feels to painful to look at or process, or when we are afraid to see certain truths.  Being in denial works for us in times where we do not feel strong enough to see and face the truth of what is, but staying there for too long can wreak havoc for us.  Denial creating havoc in our lives will always appear as pain.  Usually when the universe is urging change in our lives for our highest good, we can remain in the energy of resistance by way of denial.  Lying to ourselves about the truth that our highest self is always aware of, but our human side is too afraid to face.

When we embrace our denial and quiet that voice inside that doesn't want to be truly honest about what is 'really' going on, because we are afraid of the changes we 'know' we must make, we are honoring ourselves and our soul's path. 

Denial can come in the form of not wanting to look at whether our spouse is loyal, whether we are settling for less than we deserve, whether we are chronically addicted to certain people or behavior, whether we are dying, whether we are treating others badly, whether we are needing to leave a relationship that isn't working for us, whether we need to get healthy, and the list goes on and on.

Our place of power is always in the present moment so the sooner we are willing to look at what we don't want to look at, the sooner we see the choices available to us so we can make healthy changes in our lives.

We humans will tell ourselves all kinds of stories to avoid self awareness, and the pain that must surface in order to be felt (we gotta feel it to heal it), so the old and worn patterns and pain can finally fall away.

Through this process (and everything is a process) we eventually free ourselves from situations that bring us unhappiness, to make room for a better version of ourselves and more fulfilling situations to enter our lives.

Letting go of denial allows us to speak truth to ourselves in the form of 'I am afraid', 'I am lost', 'I am confused', 'I am unhappy', 'I am an alcoholic, workaholic, sexaholic, etc)', 'I am mean', 'I am angry', 'I am hurting myself', 'I am playing the victim', 'I am unfulfilled in my life', 'I am a control freak', 'I hate myself', 'I am a martyr', etc., etc., etc.  We are not to face ourselves by judging and criticizing ourselves once we are out of denial, we are simply admitting our truth to ourselves, and from a place of truth only good can come and change can happen. 

Not everyone is ready to face themselves and some will never be ready, but if we are wanting to live our best life and become the best version of ourselves, looking at where we are in denial in our lives is a great start!

"This above all, to thine own self be true" ~ Shakespeare

Peace, Love and Denial