It is my sincere hope that sharing my perspective and personal experiences on my own journey to myself, helps you on yours.
"Freedom from the desire for answers is essential to the understanding of a problem." ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti
Have you ever caught yourself going over a scenario in your head repeatedly trying to figure it out but no matter which way you look at it, you never get answers? Me too. I have. It's a human thing but we can choose to change it if we want.
Sometimes we humans paralyze ourselves by staying in our heads analyzing and attempting to find answers to things that are simply not meant for us to know yet. We can't force a baby bird out of an egg or a leaf out of a bud. We just gotta let it be and unfold in it's own time while we mosy off to do something productive.
I used to have severe anxiety attacks where I'd faint and my lips would turn blue. Anxiety is when we are in our heads trying to figure things out and wonder what is going to happen, so much in fact, that our breathing becomes shallow enough that we get weak and dizzy and sometimes faint. I've learned over the years, to practice accepting what IS, and as a result am able to live in the moment more and more every day, which has my anxiety pretty much non-existent. I will sometimes observe it mildly surfacing when life pulls the rug out from underneath me but nothing some deep breathing and acceptance work doesn't fix.
The time we humans spend trying to figure everything out actually robs us of living a more present life. It has us missing what is really going on. We're using all that energy going around and around in our heads aimlessly, never finding a solution anyway?!! Wasted days and wasted nights (yes, I sang that). It seems we're either crying over something that's behind us, or freaking out about what's before us. What about right now? What about today? Do you see the ladybug or the blue jay? Do you hear the music? Can you smell the flowers? Maybe you don't have time because you have to get back to figuring everything out and making a plan to fix what isn't meant to be fixed right now?
Usually taking a step back from the analyzing process, allows an answer to come in time. Obsessing usually pushes the answer or desired outcome further away from us. The 'letting go' process is definitely a learned thing. Like everything we want to master, we can only get there by practicing. We must first acknowledge when we are obsessing and over analyzing. Then from that point, we can CHOOSE to stop, accept everything and everyone exactly as is, and then CHOOSE to put our energy into ourselves or a creative project, or choose a thought of gratitude instead? Or choose to send an uplifting thought that person's way or to someone who is going through a hard time. Or choose to talk to Creator, the angels or our spirit guides.
Maybe a relationship has fallen away for whatever reason. It happens. There are people in my life who had to sever ties with close family members because they loved themselves too much to continue feeling hurt. Sometimes that's the lesson. We don't always have to figure out and fix everything. We really can choose to just let it be or even let it go completely. Guilt free. Worry free. Some relationships aren't meant to be 'figured out' or 'fixed' right now. We can let ourselves off the hook and let it be! We can give ourselves the time and distance we need. Finding inner peace and forgiveness is the main thing, and sometimes we have to take time and space to do that. It's okay. We are only in control of ourselves and our own actions. If we want to fix something, why not make ourselves our own fix it project ;-) I've found no lack of things within myself to work on!
It's quite freeing and empowering to choose to just let things be perfectly unfixed, and choose who we allow in our life and not feel bad for making those choices. Surrendering to what IS. I'll admit, for me, this feeling of not worrying or constantly analyzing and wondering how things are going to turn out, feels amazing yet at times unfamiliar. I observe my ego wanting me to slip back into my old familiar ways. I remind myself in those moments that everything is just as it is and it's not up to me to figure everything out and fix what clearly is not fixable or doable right now. Surrendering makes room for an answer to come and for us to enjoy the journey more. :-)
Peace, Love and Let It Be .....
PREPARING TO LAUNCH
What a great analogy! Our lives being like that of an arrow. Having to be pulled back in order to move forward and hit our mark.
There's another arrow analogy I remember from one of my favorite little books called The Lakota Way. It's about partnership. How an arrow on it's own is useless without a bow and vice versa. It takes both of them working together to create a useful result. That's a great reminder about the importance of having strong, supportive and equal partnerships in our lives.
I've not been in a 'romantic' (for lack of a better word) partnership for many years, mostly because I made a decision to take a step back and work on myself so I could eventually attract a spiritually connected bow and arrow relationship :) What has happened for me on what has turned out to be an amazing and powerful solo spiritual journey, is that my solid bow and arrow partnership has become the one between myself and Spirit. In addition to this now very solid partnership, I have some pretty darn solid bow and arrow friendships too!
It's very clear to me now, that when I would go through my 'pulling back' phases, I found myself getting closer to and seeking guidance and comfort from within and from Creator (which is what I choose to call God, Source, the Universe). In my younger days, I was too angry to even believe there was a God, so when I would go through this phase, I moved further away from that partnership because I didn't even believe it existed!! That's a whole other blog...I'll stay on topic here.
It's during these drawbacks (in whatever form they show up) we can, if we choose, take comfort in remembering that we can use that time as an opportunity to strengthen the most important partnership we will ever have on our journey here. The one with ourselves and a higher power. As we move through the time of pulling back, we can understand that we are in a phase that precedes forward movement. Sometimes the arrow is pulled back for longer with a more powerful bow, depending on the distance and strength of the intended target. The drawing back phase is essentially one of gaining momentum, and a very necessary part of our growth and movement forward.
It seems to me, the further and more powerful our destination, is oftentimes equated with the amount and frequency of set backs in our lives. Translated I'd say it means the bigger our purpose and the more people we are meant to use our lives to help, the more crap we gotta go through! How else are we going to gain the knowledge and experience to help those who come behind us with similar life circumstances?
I've been experiencing a time of drawback this past week or so....it's been subtle but evident to me. It's surfaced this time as a quiet vulnerability and insecurity. The timing makes perfect sense, as this week I will be launching my artist website and selling prints and canvas of my latest creations. Drawing was something I did for myself, in fact many people who have known me most of my life weren't even aware that I sketched. In this time of my arrow being pulled back there's this quiet voice that whispers to me that I'm not good enough. I understand this to be my experience prior to the launch, so I can use this time to get closer to my bow, and then stand solid in my confidence knowing this isn't about me, it's about me using my life and sharing the gifts I've been given. As it is for all of us here.
If you're in a launch phase right now, I hope you're getting some awesome air time!! If you're in a pull back phase right now, be patient and keep in mind you're preparing to launch and it's part of our human process. Oh, and remember, you'll need your bow! ;-)
Peace, Love, and Bows & Arrows.....
We can look at what we didn't do, or we can look at what we DID do...we can look at what we lost, or we can be excited about what we are about to gain...we can look at the past or we can anticipate our great future.
That's my thought for the day. We are slowly coming out of a mercury retrograde phase...where we've all, no doubt, gone through circumstances which has tested our strength and had some 'past' feelings and issues surfacing giving us the opportunity to shed yet another layer of our old selves and old circumstances.
I dipped and dived into those waters myself for a few days. Reflecting on what was or what could have been, as it is part of our human process, it's purpose being that of personal growth. A process for which I am most grateful for today. Some days we get self absorbed and feel sorry for ourselves, wishing things could be different. But they're not. They are what they are. It's in that acceptance where we find peace. It's in keeping faith that all is as it's meant to be and the knowing there is a bigger plan working that we can't always see.
The trick is not getting caught up in our negative thought patterns for too long. Just long enough to be aware of the opportunity to use them to find gratitude in our lives and to make a choice to pat ourselves on the back for what we HAVE done instead of beating ourselves up for what we know we SHOULD DO but haven't yet, or to let go of what is gone and look forward to what is yet to come.
It can definitely be a challenge to stay positive all the time that's for sure...impossible I would say...but there's power in our awareness of those negative thought patterns surfacing. We can notice them, acknowledge them and look at something to be grateful for. Taking time out to nuture ourselves and just 'be' and not 'do' helps too. It's in those quiet times where we can hear our own heartbeats, and realize we are connected to a powerful universal love energy, and truly are never alone.
I choose to be grateful today for the amazing supportive people in my life, and find beauty in the simple things like a bike ride, a hot summer day, purple fences, sunflowers and music. I choose to believe that something incredible is about to happen, and that the best of my life is yet to come.
Peace, Love and Perspective