It is my sincere hope that sharing my perspective and personal experiences on my own journey to myself, helps you on yours.
When I first made a commitment to change my life and paying attention to my thoughts and how I was talking to myself, I noticed these two words would precede many of my thoughts. They still do, but in a more positive way than in the past.
Like many humans, I have spent most of my life in fear and worry mode. While those very familiar emotions still surface, and probably will until the day my soul chooses to leave my body, they seem to surface now more to remind me that there is nothing to worry about or to fear. It's an illusion created by me and my negative thinking patterns. I've learned that I will always be okay no matter what as long as I keep the faith in a bigger plan, and I stay in close relationship to Creator.
At one point I made a pact with myself to stop using the phrase"what if". I did this because I found myself starting a thought or a sentence with those two words and ending it with thoughts or words that continued to instill fear in me. I would find myself completely paralyzed at times when choosing those negative thoughts. Sometimes I'd instill enough fear in myself to cause severe anxiety attacks.
Getting to know oneself intimately by being willing to recognize and face our patterns, our familiar stories, our unwillingness to change or forgive, seems like the harder road to travel. It definitely feels that way at times, however I've found that road eventually has surfaces more smooth than I've ever experienced, longer straight stretches of freedom, and less bumps along the way.
Staying on the fence, or being in denial, or worse blaming everything and everyone else for how WE are feeling seems like the easy road to take because we won't have to change by taking responsibility for ourselves, our feelings or our actions. It takes going to that scary place. The mirror. To look into our own eyes and face the horrible person we 'think' we are and accept that person. Taking what appears to be the easy road, has everything staying the same. Kinda like driving around in circles. Same scenery, same bumpy bullshit showing up over and over until it's faced and healed.
I've travelled both roads, and I have to tell you, taking the former has been the hardest road at times but ultimately has been the most freeing. The shackles that bind us are of our own making.
So my old fear based thoughts looked something like this:
What if I trip and fall and hit my head?
What if I can't pay my bills?
What if 'they' don't like me (translation why don't I LIKE ME?!)
What if I don't do it right?
What if something horrible is about to happen?
What if someone gets mad at me?
What if we humans don't wake up and we continue to destroy the Earth?
What if it's too late?
What if I'm not good enough?
You get the picture. Fear. Fear. Fear. Worry. Worry. Worry. I was the only one who could change my thoughts and patterns. I knew that for sure. So I did, and continue to.
After years of removing the "what if" phrase from my personal vocabulary, I've recently welcomed it back in, in a positive way. Now it looks something like this:
What if I have no expectations?
What if I wasn't scared?
What if by finding my own inner peace and happiness, I inspired young people to do the same?
What if I choose compassion and forgiveness?
What if something awesome is about to happen?
What if we all learned to love and accept ourselves?
What if by showing kindness to others it creates a ripple effect in the universe?
What if we all faced what is truly happening, instead of making excuses or burying our heads?
What if we spent more time looking at solutions instead of problems?
WHAT IF ??
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